Friday 29 April 2011

People Are L'Estrange

 
   So it all comes to a head tonight in Dorkland, with the New Zealand Breakers just forty minutes away from being the first Kiwi club side to win a Trans-Tasman sports tournament. It won’t be easy, but the Comments Team is confident they’ll get it done, with Kirk Penney storming back into form when it really matters. They may not ever get a better chance than this, so here’s hoping they cap their excellent season off in a deserving manner.
   While we’re on a basketball theme, a correspondent got in touch with us in response to our plea for info on the NBA Playoffs, and many thanks to Marc Call Me Marco ‘Fever’ L’Estrange for this piece:

People Are L’Estrange

2011 NBA playoffs?

Where do I start?  So, so, so good.  This year all the teams seemed to be stacked with superstars, who are simultaneously at the start or tail-end of their peaking years.
My pick is Chicago, but honestly there are 5-6 really good teams.  Most of the world will be wishing Miami to lose except for all those frontrunner-fan-jumpers who will be waiting with anticipation to burn their Kobe jerseys, and on the net waiting to buy their Miami heat gear, if Miami make it through.

The greatest thing I have found about the NBA recently is their willingness to embrace the digital age.  For US 20 bucks a month you can watch over the net every game that is played in HD.  The system is set up like a hard drive recorder, so you can pause live games, and pick up later. If you get home late, you can fire up any games that have been played in the last month and watch, with or without the final score available.  For every game they will also tag key moments or dunks, and you can jump straight to the highlights if you wish.  20bucks and you can join or quit at any time, 30 teams playing 82 regular season games each, that’s a lot of bball.  I would recommend you do it NOW for the playoffs for "journalistic research purposes". nbaleaguepass. Go Chicago.  Anyway, given that the league pass has plenty of free coverage on youtube or nba.com or espn.com, NBA seems to really get that people are going to be downloading, so they might as well provide a quality product themselves.   (my broadband usage is up lately).
- Marc Call Me Marco ‘Fever’ L’Estrange

   Great stuff there from Mark, and some especially interesting Comments on the NBA’s embracing of online coverage. For any sport with worldwide appeal- or a desire to spread into international markets- there obviously needs to be a recognition of time-zone issues, and the hard drive recorder style system that Mark mentions is an excellent way to adapt to that. And $20 is, as Mark says, a very fair price to pay for so many games.
   Also interesting to hear that Chicago are back on top after years in the doldrums following the Jordan Era. The Comments Team is extremely dated in our knowledge of the NBA, so if anyone else cares to chip in we’d be highly appreciative. As a thank you to ‘Fever’, here’s a link to one of his favourite bands (we recall), and their slick new vid, Fight For Your Right Revisited. 30 minutes of goodness.
   Our next report comes from another correspondent, this time KoreanKurtz. His piece is ostensibly about Korean baseball, but, in typical fashion for KK, quickly degenerates into a rant against Racist Authoritarianism. See for yourselves:

The New Zealand Government, Brought To You By Amazon.com

   The 2011 Korean Baseball Season kicked off earlier this month, and what a relationship killer this competition is. There are eight teams, four based in Seoul and four from the rest of Korea, and they play six days a week. Yes, six days, every week, with Monday being the only off-day. As you might imagine, if you are a fan of this league, it can horribly dominate your time, leaving little space for anything, or anyone, else. Coupled with the fact that games on average take around three and a half hours from start to finish and this can spell relationship doom.
I attended my first home game of the season last night, and what fun it was. I enjoy watching my team- the Doosan Bears- play on TV, but as I’m not really a massive baseball fan, I can’t really abide watching other sides play. With football for example, I’ll watch anyone play anyone, but for me baseball is really only about the Beers, I mean Bears. And getting along to the stadium is what it’s all about.
   With six games played a week, teams play at home against one team three nights in a row, then on the road against a different side for three nights. And with four sides based in Seoul, this means plenty of chances to see your team play live. You might think that so many games would be a kind of over-saturation, resulting in sparse crowds, especially on weeknights. Well, you’d be wrong. The Bears home stadium holds 30,000, and will be sold out Friday through Sunday, and on Tuesday through Thursdays you’ll still get around 25,000 per game. This has a lot to do with the incredible population density in Seoul (around twenty million people), and the fact that many people from around Korea have moved to the capital, ensuring huge support for the non Seoul-based teams.
   The result of this is a truly awesome spectator experience, with fanatical fans creating a wonderful atmosphere at every match. Having never attended a baseball game before moving to Korea, within five minutes of my first Bears game I was totally hooked, and after three and a half years in Korea, the Bears are jostling with St Kilda, the Phoenix and the Wellington Lions for second spot in my sporting heart behind the Arsenal.
   Which is where this piece takes a dark turn. The missus and I are giving some thought about a return to Australasia at some point in the future, and one thing I will sorely miss is getting along to a baseball game. Luckily there are many excellent Korea-based websites where matches can be downloaded just hours after their completion. I consoled myself with this knowledge until recently, when the NZ Government decided  to institute their wonderful new Internet legislation. Now were I to move to NZ, I would no longer be able to follow my beloved Bears.
And then suddenly it occurred to me: my missus, who is from Korea, would also suffer greatly. Naturally she enjoys many Korean shows, and is also something of a news junkie. But were we to move to NZ she would be prosecuted for attempting to download and enjoy these forms of entertainment in her native language. Of course I knew there were many many fu*ked-up aspects to the new laws, but I hadn’t previously realised just what an undercurrent of racism was also present. Basically the NZ Government is saying that if you have moved to NZ from another country and wish to download media content from your home nation then you can just fu*k right off. That they are dictating to Kiwis in a completely authoritarian manner which movies we can watch and where we can watch them, which music we can listen to and where we must buy it from, and which TV shows we can watch and where we must see them broadcasted is readily apparent; the fact that they are saying to immigrants that the best source of connection to your home country is now against the law is much more insidious and underhanded.
   The point I’m getting at is that there are some forms of media that aren’t accessible in NZ. The government says if it’s not broadcasted or sold in NZ, then buy it on Amazon; have someone send it to you; or miss out. Cheers, you wankers. Think about poor unfortunates like an old associate of mine, Mr Rickus Prebblicus. He has a yen for both African and obscure Scottish Highlands music, which can easily be sourced on peer-to-peer file sharing sites. But can you find it at your government-approved Sony music shite pop tunes flogging stores: no. So now, he misses out, or gets prosecuted.
Or look at things from another perspective: one of our correspondents, Sean of the Deep South, is a huge football fan who is unwilling to shell out his cash to the monopoly that controls sports broadcasting in NZ. In a recent email to the Comments Team he thanked us for turning him on to PirateBay, where he can now download the weeks Premier League Highlights and watch them for free, something he has been unable to enjoy for the best part of twenty years. Well now the government is saying to him that he has a choice: spend money on Sky TV rather than his kids, or be prosecuted for enjoying eighty minutes of football each week. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.

Contrary to what you may believe, I’m not a total idiot and I do recognise that there needs to be adequate enforcement of copyrighting laws. But if anyone out there believes that: a) the recently passed law in NZ is the best, or fairest, or most sensible way to do it; or, b) that there aren’t some hugely vested interests involved in the form of giant, increasingly monopolistic industry dominating corporate behemoths, then you are very very much mistaken.
-KoreanKurtz

   Wow, and you thought this was a sports blog, eh? That’s about it for today: big weekend in the Prem for the relegation threatened teams, and we’ll have some reports on that come Monday. Also, if the Arse beat Man U and Chelsea beat Sp*rs, suddenly the title race might be on again.
   Lastly, for those of you unfortunate enough to sit through the execrable spectacle that was Defense Is Our Only Goal Real Madrid vs Diving Whinging Ref Surrounding Barcelona, The Fiver, as ever, has summed it up nicely, as can be seen here.

   Enjoy your weekends, and go the Breakers.

Monday 25 April 2011

So Tense, Never Tenser (Could all go a bit Frank Spencer)


 
   And so it did for the Breakers last night, as they fluctuated between sheer brilliance and hopeless ineptitude in a match that was breathtaking in its intensity. Incredible three-pointers for both sides at moments when the game was surely lost to them will be what the match is remembered for, and the Breakers will be thankful there is a reasonably long break until the third and final match, for otherwise the Taipans would certainly have the confidence and momentum overwhelmingly on their side. Leading by three with less than three seconds left in the first period of overtime… to lose from there was extremely painful, but this Breakers side is definitely strong enough to bounce back and win the decider. Fingers crossed all week.
   Lots to get through today, so it’s round-up time.

Football

   Man U, after yet another jammy win in a season full of them, are almost assured now of winning a record breaking 19th league title. The fact that they have been so average for so much of a campaign that will see them break Liverpool’s record is testament to the weaknesses of the chasing pack. Chelsea stopped playing between November and February and then paid 50 million for a statue of Fernando Torres; Arsenal capitulated entirely after their League Cup Final loss; Man City are still unable to play like a coherent team unit for more than two weeks in a row; Sp*rs have learnt the hard way that Champions League qualification places an immense burden on a club’s squad in terms of depth of quality; and Liverpool’s big-time Charlie’s refused to listen to Roy Hodgson due to their overwhelming arrogance (yes, I’m talking to you Stevie “Play Fuc*ing Phil Collins You C*** Or I’ll Nut You” Gerrard).
   So the Mancs will walk away with the title on a plate. But what’s going on down the bottom end of the table? Madness. It looks very much like it’ll go down to the last weekend, with six clubs fighting to avoid the three relegation positions. Unfortunately for Kiwis, two of the clubs feature All Whites, with Winston Reid’s West Ham looking particularly bad again. The Hammers went through a short revival in 2011, but in the last few weeks have gone back to their bad old ways- so poor last weekend that even the Torres statue managed to score when one of the pigeons on its foot attempted takeoff at an especially fortuitous moment. Ryan Nelson’s Blackburn- whom he won’t play for again this season due to a knee injury- must get something from their match against City tonight and kick on from there. Looking at the run-in for the clubs involved- Wigan, Wolverhampton, Blackpool and Birmingham make up the other four contenders- it is the three W’s that look in the most precarious position. However Wigan have found some form of late, and with Blackpool continuing to go backwards it still could come out differently, and with any luck Birmingham will get pulled down into the mire too. More on this as it develops.
   In terms of promotion from the Championship into the Prem, QPR are just one point away from securing the first automatic promotion spot, and it looks like Norwich and Cardiff will fight for the second. With three games remaining, Norwich have the easier fixture list and look the better chance. In terms of the four teams to playoff for the last remaining promotion spot, Cardiff, Reading and Swansea look assured, and any one of Nottingham Forest, Leeds, Burnley, Millwall or Hull could take the remaining position. We’re really looking forward to the playoffs, and are hoping for a Reading or Forest success.

Tennis

   The clay court phase of the season has proceeded along fairly predictable lines with Rafael Nadal winning everything in sight as he builds up to the French Open. David Ferrer, another Spaniard, has also been in good form, as has last year’s beaten semi-finalist Jurgen Melzer from Austria, but aside from that no other real strong contenders have shown their hands. Novak Djokovic is still unbeaten this year, but is only competing in his first clay court event this week, in his home tournament in Belgrade. Juan Martin Del Potro also plays his first clay tourney of the year this week and it’ll be very interesting to see whether his early season form on the hard courts carries over onto the slower surface. Andy Murray has been in poor form, and Roger Federer too has struggled in the brief amount of time he’s been on the red clay. Other top ten or thereabouts players like Robin Soderling, J.W. Tsonga, Gael Monfils, Marin Cilic and Fernando Verdasco have also struggled for consistency, so at this stage the French Open looks like it’ll be Nadal’s to lose. Which is not really surprising, all things considered.

F1

   After a thrilling Chinese Grand Prix a week or so ago it is now beginning to look like the changes made to the cars which we outlined to you pre-season are having the desired effect of increasing the excitement of F1 racing again. Of the three changes made to racing this year, the new Pirelli tyres seem to be having the greatest influence on events, with the extreme rates of degradation (in layman’s terms how quickly they wear out) being the most significant factor. With two different compounds (tyre types)- hard and soft- being used, and with each driver being allocated a certain number of each to be used over the race weekend, tyre strategy looks like the single most important variable for teams to consider this season. Sebastian Vettel will rue the decisions that led to his Red Bull car being overtaken by Lewis Hamilton’s McLaren in the closing stages of the Chinese race as the Red Bull, struggling along on an old set of the hard tyres, was overhauled by Hamilton who was racing on a fresh set of the super-quick softs. Everywhere throughout the field similar events were taking place during the course of the race, and this trend will surely continue as the drivers head to Istanbul in early May for the first of three races in Europe.
   Just a quick note on one of the other changes to the cars this year, the Drag Reduction System, or DRS (for a full explanation see our blog here, or for Michael Schumacher’s version, try here). Basically, DRS is working well, and increases the ability of drivers to overtake, which is all well and good. But it can only be used once a lap at this stage, and we reckon that on courses that contain the right conditions for it to be used repeatedly, i.e. more than one long straight, the powers-that-be should enable this. They admit that it’s a brand new system and that they’re learning as they go, so hopefully at some stage in the future multiple usages will become a reality.

Notes

- we spent some time watching the Liege-Bastonne-Liege race last night as preparation for our sleep-crushing coverage of the Giro d’Italia starting on May 7th. We didn’t actually pay much attention to the race last night, but there is nothing more soothing on a Sunday night than watching the peloton cruise through pristine countryside. More on the Giro as we get closer to the first stage.

- where for art thou Jamie Joseph?

- it is now safe to mention the Australian Rules Football Season after St. Kilda finally got their first win. The filthy Collingwood Magpies, who share a moral alignment with Man U and whichever team Dick Cheney supports, look very strong again, as do Geelong. Any Comments from Melbourne residents would be appreciated on this front.

- and lastly, the NBA playoffs are ongoing, and we’d love to hear from anyone who is following them. Also the IPL is underway, and we don’t want to hear anything about it at all from anyone anywhere for any reason.

   Take care all, and stand strong Indiana Bill.

Tuesday 19 April 2011

Extreme Ironing Emergency Quorum


Unfortunately the Comments Team has been called away to an emergency quorum to discuss whether this event should be rushed into Olympic competition for London 2012. We are all strongly in favour, but find we are butting heads with the vapid idiots who believe that golf and Rugby Sevens are more deserving of Olympic status. As can be seen here, the sport is making headlines worldwide and is surely worthy of more recognition. For those of you who may be skeptical as to the actual reality of this wonderful event, here is a Top Ten list featuring extensive footage of competitors at their best. Truly wonderful, as we’re sure you will agree.

   We’ll be back from the meeting in a couple of days with some discussion on the successful changes to the F1 cars that resulted in the excellent Chinese Grand Prix, as well as a match report from a Korean baseball game (for those of you who can stand the excitement) and a look at the relegation battle in the Prem.

   That is all.

Friday 15 April 2011

With $10,000 We'd Be Millionaires

   G’day g’day. Let’s start today by congratulating the NZ Breakers for progressing through to the ANBL Finals. It was a tough deciding match against Perth, and although they trailed at the end of the first quarter, they kept their composure admirably and slowly but surely ground the Wildcats into the… well, the ground. Defensively, they perhaps give up too many offensive rebounds, but they have a plethora of scoring options and will be very tough to beat in the three game series starting in Dorkland next Wednesday. And in an unprecedented turn of events, Dorklanders are actually doing a good job of supporting a local team: an hour after the conclusion of the match against Perth, 2000 of the 4800 available seats had already sold for Game 1 next week. Which is nice.
   Today’s Comments are taking a different direction from usual. We’ve been bombarded with correspondence from Arsenal supporters regarding the sale of the club this week, and so in this edition we give them an opportunity to do a little venting, starting with KoreanKurtz. Maybe this doesn’t seem of interest to many of you, but it illustrates the dangers inherent when ownership and power are channeled into the hands of the few, rather than the many. Wellington Phoenix and Terry Serepisos anyone? It’s starting to seem that Chris Knowles’ rants about Terry being the devil in disguise were disturbingly closer to the mark than any of us thought…

With $10,000 We’d Be Millionaires

   It has been a very bad week to be an Arsenal supporter. From being able to pride ourselves on having arguably the most responsibly run of the top clubs in the world, we suddenly fund ourselves plunged into total uncertainty now that American Stan Kroenke has taken over. While it’s far too early to say for sure whether he’ll be a good owner or a poor one- and most signs are reasonably positive- it’s in the long term that things look very shaky.
   Kroenke owns a number of sports teams in the US, and from all accounts has done a pretty good job with them. His nickname is Silent Stan which bodes well, as it refers to the fact that he doesn’t try to cover himself in media fame, and nor does he seek to impose himself too overtly on coaches, managers, players and staff. This is all good. Also positive is his statement that he does not intend to load the club with debt, which is what the American owners at Liverpool did, and the American owners at Man U continue to do. However it should be noted that the Liverpool owners said the same thing and then promptly went back on their words. I guess a bit of an explanation about this debt-loading thing is probably appropriate here.
   Basically it is a very dodgy means of buying a club that is facilitated by the myopic suits at the Football Association, and the greed of bankers. Imagine this: there is a club that is valued at $1000, a measure of its players, stadium, sponsorship etc. Every week, the club brings in $10 profit from ticket sales, shirt sales etc. You want to buy the club, but you only have $500. So first you go to the bank and say please lend me $500 to buy a football club. They say ok, but how will you pay us back? You promise to give them $5 every week from the club’s profits. Ok, they say again, that’s fine, but of course you’ll need to pay interest so that we can line our pockets too.
   Next, you go to the F.A. and tell them you want to buy a club, paying half with your own money and half from the bank. You have to pass what is called The Fit And Proper Persons Test, which looks at your personal and financial history. It should be noted here that Thaksin Shinawatra, with a long history of human rights abuses whilst leader of Thailand, who was proposing to buy Man City with money he had embezzled in his time as President, passed this test with flying colours. Put simply, the FA doesn’t care who you are, or whether you are going to saddle a club with debt burdens that could ultimately bankrupt it: see Leeds, Portsmouth, Crawley and many others.
   So now you have your club. You owe the bank a large sum, but that’s no problem for you because you are using the club’s money to service this debt. Yes, that’s right: you are using the club’s money to buy the club. But then problems start to arise. Your players are getting old and you need to buy new ones. Some of your players are going to other clubs that offer better wages. However, your hands are tied. Your club brings in $10 profit every week, but half of that instantly goes to the bank, so you have very limited means to keep your players, or to buy new ones (again see Portsmouth and Leeds.) So, of course, your club’s supporters become unhappy. Your team is starting to lose regularly. What is more, your stadium is old and uncomfortable, and it has too few seats. At a bigger, newer stadium, you could charge more for tickets and sell more of them. But again, your hands are tied. With only $5 a week to spend, there is no way at all to finance a new stadium (see Liverpool).
   Your club is now in a downward spiral. You owe money to the bank; your team is shite; your stadium is outdated; your supporters are livid. You need to sell up and fast, and you offload your club to the first person who comes along. And the cycle begins again.
   Now.
   Now, this is not what is currently being proposed at Arsenal, which we are all thankful for. But any true supporter of the club should be taking a longer view of things, because even if Kroenke turns out to be a wonderful owner for the next five, ten or twenty years, sooner or later it will end, and he can then sell the club to anyone he pleases. If all his businesses fail, he will sell in a hurry, and who knows to which individual the club will then belong. If, and of course I fervently hope it doesn’t happen, but if he were to be hit by a bus while crossing the road tomorrow, who knows what would happen next? Would his companies be turned over to his children? Are they interested in sports? Would the board of directors give a shit about a club located in another country that plays a sport that is unfamiliar to them? These are all worrying questions, and the situation is exacerbated by the fact that his companies are registered in the tiny US state of Delaware, as are many many large companies in the US, due to its total lack of corporate transparency laws. Not good.

   So I’m concerned. I do believe the club is going to be ok, both in the short and long term, but as I mentioned at the start, it is the uncertainty that sucks. Arsenal are dearer to me than any other sports team or player, and I find it abhorrent that the FA continues to treat institutions that mean so much to so many people with such utter disdain. There’s plenty of evidence out there about what can go wrong, and just how spectacularly bad these failures can be, but for some reason they choose to ignore it. And I despise them for it.

   That is all.

   KoreanKurtz folks, frothing at the mouth as per usual. Our next submission comes from Keith Geeza Bowman:

Whatto Roby
Sounds like you have a blinder of a lifestyle, keep up the good work and lovin the blog

A chance to get on me old soap box...why yes I have a few opinions on The Arsenal (as usual)

I'm just waiting to hear more about Silent Stan's intentions.  So far he's said all the right things, mainly that the club wouldn’t  be put in debt or that he'd need to levy money against the club to pay of shares, raise capital for other ventures and generally not use the $731m as purchasing power.

As a shareholder (yes, I bought into the AST scheme) the word has been to hang in there and see what is offered.  There are some legal obligations that have to be carried out, mainly that the $11,375 share price has to be the min offering that SK has to make for each share...and he is obligated to buy if someone wants to sell.

I'm fairly comfortable with SK, he seems to be a sports fan and does fit the mould of an Arsenal board member, fairly quiet, let the employed people get on with it and understands the traditions and values that a sports club needs to retain.  I hold this ethic in high regard as The Arsenal has been an important part of my local community, uniting the neighbourhood, visiting schools, hospitals, supporting the kids clubs.  A presence that I hope will continue and don't see why it wouldn't with this change.

The Fat Russian's (Editor’s note: the Fat Russian is Russian tycoon Alisher Usmanov who owns around 25% if the remaining shares in Arsenal) move will be interesting as this is a legal process that he can't bend in England so is bound by the sale conditions.  I hope that he hangs about for a couple of years for the soul reason that the remaining $147m debt for the Grove would have been paid off so his $200m of shares when cashed in won't put us in the red again.  Mind you, I don't want to see him on the board (which is unlikely) and would rather undiplomatically see him f*ck off to sp*rs and take that orange tanned right winged knob Dein with him (now that he is no use as player scout schmoozer).

Sponsorship wise, we are bound with most of them on cheaper longer deals until the 2014-15 season (so we could have some $ upfront).  After that I expect some US based products that SK has with some of his home teams (Denver, Colorado)

Most importantly, for the manager and players, it looks like things aren't going to have any immediate effect so I doubt that there will be much change.  Wenger's had cash anyway but as we all know has stuck with his youth team, an experiment that clearly needs to be reviewed objectively in the (English) summer so that we can inject some class players with experience of winning titles/cups/bingo etc...I'd like to see someone come in who did what the orange man did and a stronger no2 (sorry Pat) who can stand up to Le Boss every now and then to keep him in check.  But of course to keep Wenger.  The fact that Arsenal fans are generally unhappy with things is actually testament to how good Wenger is.  As a kid in the 70's and 80's (bar 26th May '89) I'd have given my right arm to be in the position that we are now.

   Cheers Geeza. We also received this from Ames Don’t Touch The Grapes Maxwell:

Just did some reading online cause I’m not really up with the latest on what’s happening with the sale....but from some quick reading of a few different articles on the subject I have come to the following conclusion.....

Something needs to change at Arsenal. 5 years without a trophy is too long for a club like our beloved Gunners. I don’t think its Arsene that needs to go though.  Or maybe he does but then who else can you see as Manager at Arsenal?  Stan obviously has an interest in sport to some degree if he owns as many different clubs as he does. But are they high achieving, top 4, in their respective league kind of clubs? Seeing as one of the other investors that sold him the shares died yesterday, it was obviously planned for a reason. I’d like him to come out and say what his plans are for the club. And quickly!
 
   So there you have it folks. Maybe not of great interest to you all, but at the very least it shows just how much clubs mean to their fans, and just how bad the effects of globalisation and economic liberalisation can be on sport as well as every other financial aspect of our lives. Geeza’s points on the neighbourhood support side of things are particularly telling.
   That’s us for today, back on Monday with football, F1 and whatever else catches our eyes other the weekend. Have a good one.

Monday 11 April 2011

The Hell of the North (not Hamilton this time)


   Greetings folks. As ever it was an extremely busy sporting weekend, but today we've decided to bring you a couple of reports that you probably won’t find in your local news. Firstly Self-Proclaimed Tipping Guru (but in reality Office Pariah) and Cycle-Porn Aficionado Roby Towe chimes in with a story on the Paris-Roubaix Cycle Classic that was run yesterday. Cultural Correspondent Rand Abbott has also filed a piece on the concept of playing the Triangle for a living, and we’ll round up the major events from the last few days.
   Over to Roby.

The Hell of the North (not Hamilton this time)

   Yesterday saw the running of the epic Paris-Roubaix race, and it was definitely one to remember. The race is one of the oldest in existence, first run in 1896, and it is famed/notorious for its many encounters with cobbled sections of road and the effects this has on both rider and machine. The latest installment was typically brutal, producing one of the most unexpected winners in recent history. But before we look at results, a bit of info on the course.
   Although it has changed a little over its 115 year history, the basic layout of the race has been unaltered. The 2011 event was run over 258 kilometres, with the winner reaching the finish line in just a little over six hours. This sounds, and indeed is, a long time in the saddle, and a long way to travel, but the numbers don’t even begin to demonstrate just how extreme this Classic is. It is the surfaces that the riders race over that make this event so incredible.
   Cobblestones. Sounds nice, right? Maybe it evokes pictures of a leisurely ride through small countryside villages in bucolic surroundings. But just think for a second: even if you own a mountain bike with nice front and rear suspension, riding over uneven cobbles can quickly become energy-sapping. Now imagine a 258km ride on a road bike, with 28 separate sections of cobbles, totaling around 50kms. And not nice new cobbles like you might see in a redeveloped town square: these are old, uneven, and dusty country roads, barely a car’s length wide, rutted everywhere due to their primary purpose as back roads for tractors and the like. They are hugely inconsistent in terms of quality: rather like how mountain passes are ranked in terms of difficulty, the cobbled sections also receive ratings of 1 to 5. Suffice to say saddle sores are sure to be suffered.
   The other major factor related to the surface is dictated by the weather. If it rains, the cobbled sections become incredibly treacherous and slippery, with mud flying in all directions. And in the dry, huge clouds of dust are driven upwards by the 200 or so cyclists, and the scores of motorbikes and support vehicles. When the riders approach each cobbled section they engage in frenzied sprints to try and ensure that they are not at the rear of the peloton, vastly increasing the dangers involved. As if riding 258kms in a day isn’t enough, try doing it while being choked in a sand-storm. Vicious.
   So these are the conditions which have cemented the post-World War I nickname, The Hell of the North. And because of the massive challenge facing competitors, there is huge prestige attached to winning the event. This is not a race for the small, wiry mountain climbers, but rather for the long-limbed powerhouses of sprinting and time trialing. Two time winner, defending champion, and the rider widely regarded as the world’s premier time trialist, the Swiss Fabian Cancellara, was heavily favoured to win, along with World Road Race Champion and star sprinter Thor Hushovd of Norway. But in the end they beat each other, and a relative outsider claimed a famous victory.
   A group of around ten riders broke away early, and established an advantage of around a minute over the peloton. As there were no real threats in the lead group, the race favourites were happy just to try and mark them whilst surviving the first couple of hundred kilometers. Many didn’t make it though, and there were a huge number of falls throughout the pack. Some came on the cobbles, but there were also numerous falls in the sections just preceding them. Another strong contender for victory, the Belgian Tom Boonen, fell twice before eventually retiring. Motorsports enthusiasts often enjoy seeing crashes during the course of a race; cycling enthusiasts do not. There is something terrible about witnessing a rider going head-over-handlebars and crashing into the tarmac. Many competitors remount and continue, with huge, bloody, gravel-filled tears in their lycra bearing testament to their misfortune; an unlucky few remain prone on the roadside, with broken collarbones being the most common complaint.
   With just 40kms to go, Cancellara started attacking Hushovd over the cobbles, trying to lose him before the final few minutes. He knew that Hushovd was the superior sprinter, and should they enter the final stretches together, the race would be the Norwegian's. But he couldn’t shake him, and became exasperated with Hushovd’s tactic of just following behind without doing any of the pacemaking required to catch the breakaway group. They angrily remonstrated, and their speed dropped. Suddenly, one of the outsiders in the leading group had the race at their mercy if they had the courage and the fortitude to kick ahead one last time. And the man who did so was the Belgian Johan Vansummeren, a domestique, or team rider, whose job is to support the team leaders by leading chases or ferrying water bottles. A domestique rarely has a chance at the glory of a race win or even a stage victory, but on this day Vansummeren saw the opportunity and seized it. Unusually, this race actually finishes with the riders entering and doing a lap and a half around the Roubaix velodrome, which is always filled to capacity with spectators creating a remarkable cacophony for the first rider to enter. And despite a huge push from Cancellara, on this day it was the relative unknown, the consummate team man, Johan Vansummeren who received the adulation of the crowd, some six hours after setting out into the dust. It was a great result, and a great finish to a wonderful event.
-Roby Towe

   Longwinded as ever there from Roby, but good stuff nonetheless. There is a remarkable documentary about the 1976 Paris-Roubaix entitled A Sunday in Hell. It, along with several other wonderful cycling docos can be downloaded here.
   Next, over to Rand Abbott.

Playing the Triangle for Bucks

   I had the pleasure of attending one of Korea’s foremost orchestras on Saturday, and it was a superb experience. Though not a huge follower of classical music, to see it played live is so vastly different from merely listening to a recording that I leapt at the chance to attend the performance. I was kindly offered tickets through a contact who is closely acquainted with one of Korea’s most renowned violinists. I had attended and enjoyed one of her recitals previously, and whilst receiving the tickets from her and her retired Air Force General husband for the orchestral performance in Seoul Concert Hall, we were constantly interrupted by people seeking her autograph. I was aware that she had some degree of fame, but was nevertheless impressed by the amount of recognition she received.
   The first half of the performance was a Beethoven Piano Concerto, the highlight of which was witnessing the exquisite display by the pianist. She is a small woman in her early sixties, but her presence dominated the stage as she gave a note-perfect rendition of what appeared to be a hugely complex piece.
   The second half was quite different, with the full orchestra performing various Themes, based around Faust and Mephistopheles (I apologise for a lack of clarity here, but my Korean language skills are sadly lacking). I thoroughly enjoyed this, and was reminded that watching a full orchestra is such a thrilling experience. There is just so much to see. A huge variety of instruments and performers, each with their own quirks and nuances. Being a fan of percussion, I paid particular attention to this aspect of proceedings, and was reminded of something else too: just how specialised some peoples lines of work can be. There was one gentleman who sat behind the massed ranks of violinists and on occasion arose to clash together two symbols. This was his sole role in the performance, and in the first fifty or so minutes he was required to play just six times, each time clashing the symbols together in a burst of four. What a job! What an existence!
   It was only then that I noticed the woman seated next to him, who after all this time had yet to even stand up. It wasn't until the last few minutes of the piece that she arose, grasped a triangle and rang away triumphantly. I do not wish to diminish her contribution or her skill, for her timing and the resonance of the notes was exemplary, but I was left wondering if this was her profession, and whether this was all it consisted of? I am deeply envious if this is indeed true.
   Lastly, I have a question for readers who are more educated on this subject than I: just how important is the conductor? Would everything fall to pieces if they weren’t there? I studied the array of musicians closely and on the whole they paid scant, if any attention to him. I would love to be enlightened on this, so please don’t hesitate to deplete my ignorance.
   Best regards.
-Rand Abbott

   Thanks Rand, you mustachioed twit.

   All that remains is a quick roundup of some of the events that you might have missed:
-Scott Dixon finished second in the Indy Car race in Alabama overnight
-Marina Erakovich continued her return to form after an horrendous bout of injuries by winning her third consecutive Challenger Event over the weekend. We hope NZ’s top female tennis player can approach her highest ranking of 49 again at some stage in the future.
-The Grand National Horse Race was held in England over the weekend, with two horses being killed. Maybe enough is enough here, eh?
-and the NZ Breakers, after a terrible loss in their opening game of the three games Playoff Series against Perth somehow overcame the huge travel involved to win game two in Perth yesterday, only the second time the Breakers have ever won there. Fingers crossed for the decider in Auckland on Wednesday night.

   That’ll do for now, we’ll definitely be back later this week. And if you could do us a favour and try to post a comment below, even if it just consists of one word, we’d appreciate it as we have no idea whether this page is functioning correctly. Cheers.