Sad Times

Sad Times

   The Comments Team are pausing today to acknowledge the death of a close member of the extended Comments Family. We’ve often wondered where the sheer depth of our sporting obsession has evolved from: having a grandmother who once watched all 94 games of a Super 14 rugby season- yes, including the matches where Aussie teams played Aussies teams, and Saffas played Saffas- goes some way towards explaining our competitive bent. Our thoughts go out today to all the southern Rowe clan- kia kaha.

   We’ve got a few links for you though to keep you entertained, so rest easy, and we’ll be back on Friday.

Football Podcasts:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/audio/2011/mar/28/football-weekly-podcast-internationals-england

http://thetuesdayclub.libsyn.com/

   The remarkable story of the Brazilian goalkeeper who just scored his 100^th goal in the top-flight in Brazil:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2011/mar/28/rogerio-ceni-100-goals-and-counting

   Legal, free coverage of the Cricket World Cup, although we’re told it may not be working in NZ: http://www.espnstar.com/cwclive/index.html

   A great article on the rise of endurance racing of the Le Mans style: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2011/mar/27/ilmc-allan-mcnish-le-mans

   A huge number of entertaining ways to get fired: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2008/may/27/games.toys

   And a couple of interesting articles on doping in sport, although it should be said that the second link is to a highly controversial blog (the February 11^th posting on Rafael Nadal is a pretty interesting read):

http://www.thefootballramble.com/index.php/blog/entry/doping-in-football-is-a-lack-of-clarity-the-real-issue

http://tennishasasteroidproblem.blogspot.com/

   Cheers GrannyJean.

Formulaic One? Hopefully not

   As the Comments Team contemplates the black hole that is a weekend without the Premier League, there is still plenty to look forward to. The AFL and F1 seasons kick off in Melbourne; the Hurricanes have the chance to actually score a couple of tries when they take on the Rebels; the last two Quarter Finals in the Cricket World Cup will be played; and England will hopefully lose to Wales in the Euro 2012 Qualifier.

   The biggest event though is undoubtedly the commencement of the Formula 1 season. Motorsports Reporter Toejam Odelay has submitted this story on the latest changes to the cars.

Formulaic One? Hopefully not

   Howdy ya’ll. Its gonna be another long season of F1, although there is only one new circuit this year, in India in late October. However, as per usual, the powers that be have tinkered with various aspects of the racing in the ongoing attempt to provide more overtaking and therefore more excitement. Generally these alterations have had mixed results; here’s a rundown of this season’s attempts.

   There are three major changes to the cars: a new rear wing that can be manipulated to reduce drag at certain moments; the re-introduction of the KERS system; and a new tyre manufacturer. I’ll try and give you a brief assessment of how each of these changes could affect the racing.

   Firstly, the most interesting change is to the rear wings. While for most of the race they remain the same as last year, they can now be manipulated at certain moments to reduce drag and increase speed. Basically, if you are within one second of the car in front of you going through a corner, on the next straight you have 600 metres in which you can open a slot on the rear wing, thereby reducing drag, and propel your vehicle forward in an effort to overtake. It remains to be seen how effective this will be, but it is a cool idea. It will certainly give the drivers a lot more to think about, both when attacking and defending, and the distraction alone could lead to some interesting action.

   Secondly, the KERS system has returned. This is hellishly complex, but again basically involves pushing a button resulting in a temporary burst of speed. You can read more about KERS here.

   Lastly, there is a new tyre maker this year. After a number of years of supplying tryes to all the teams, Bridgestone has been replaced by Pirelli. Nobody knows for certain just how great an effect this will have just yet, but in winter testing the Pirellis were found to degrade faster than the Bridgestones, which necessitates in more pit stops, which in theory makes races more exciting. Personally I have some issues with this, as I would much prefer to see overtaking on the track, not in the pits, but we shall see.

   In terms of predictions for the Championship, it seems safe to assume that Red Bull will be strong again, and Ferrari will likely lead the chasing pack. After those two, McLaren should be strong, but it’s hard to know exactly what to expect from the likes of Mercedes, Renault, Force India and the rest. Which is cool because it obviously makes things much more intriguing. Here’s hoping that the Red Bulls don’t just disappear off into the distance and that we get an exciting season of racing. I’ll be back next week with a review of the opening round in Melbourne.

-Toejam Odelay

   Thanks for that Toejam. Before we leave the topic of fast cars going round in circles, we received this missive from correspondent KoreanKurtz.

Memories

   With the F1 season starting in Melbourne this weekend, I just wanted to relay my experiences of that event. I attended the GP in Melbs in 2003, 2004 and 2005. The first year I stumped up for the most expensive tickets; right on pit-straight for the three days. I remember sitting in my seat as all the undercard racing took place: Porsche Cup; GT racing featuring the likes of Lamborghinis, Dodge Vipers, and Ferraris; and the mighty V8 Supercars. While these were all awesome, I waited impatiently for my first ever glimpse of an F1 car in action. When it finally came, I heard it well before I saw it.

   As the cars were fired up in their pit boxes, the most incredible sound I had ever experienced began to assail my senses. For none of the other categories of racing had I needed the ear plugs I’d been provided with, but the Formula 1 cars, even while just idling, had me reaching for those little suckers fast. And then…

   Unless you’ve actually been to a Grand Prix you can never really fully understand the incredible volume the engines on these vehicles emit. The best way I can describe it is to say that they sound like the angriest machines ever created. I was entranced before I even saw one of them in movement. Judging by the faces around me I definitely wasn’t the only one.

   And then you do finally see them. They barely brake for corners other cars had been crawling through. They actually appear to be stuck to the road like slot-cars. It is truly amazing. The fastest Lamborghini lapped 38 seconds slower than the F1 cars were doing: mind-blowing. I took hundreds of photos, most of which when developed show an empty frame that a car had just blown through. The only really successful pics I took were as the cars slowed to enter the pits. Dang darn awesomeness.

   Just as a teaser for you F1 fans out there, I’ve found some great footage of the McLaren cars doing some laps of Bathurst, the greatest circuit in world motorsport. You can check them out here and here. The second clip in particular gives you some sense of the stunning volume of the beasts as they effortlessly drown out the engine noise of the helicopter hovering above. Enjoy.

-KoreanKurtz

Lastly today, some bits and pieces from around the sporting globe:

- as we predicted, Pakistan and India progressed through their respective Quarter Finals. The senior players in the Windies squad were hugely disappointing against Pakistan, and one wonders whether the likes of Gayle, Chanderpaul and Sarwan will feature much from this point onwards. They have a number of promising youngsters- Roach, Bishoo and the Bravo brothers- and chances are they’ll be taking over soon.

   The Aussies showed the tenacity and belief that they are renowned for, obviously personified best in captain Ponting’s century which was certainly not a thing of technical beauty, but in the end lacked quality throughout their squad, particularly with the ball. We still favour Pakistan to beat India, despite India having home advantage. There is a sense that last night was like a Final to the Indians, and they may struggle to pick themselves up again. The Pakistanis will definitely be fresh and focused, but more on this match next week.

   We believe the remaining two quarters will be very similar to the first two: South Africa to dominate NZ a la Pakistan over the Windies, and Sri Lanka to have too much class and motivation for the English.

- there is no Premier League this weekend due to Euro Qualifiers. This is awful. And on the subject of Alex Ferguson’s touch-line ban: what a farce. He now sits in the stands with a better view of the field and relays instructions to the bench by phone. Ban him from the stadiums entirely on match-day if you want to provide a real deterrent.

- the mighty Sainters kick off their AFL season tonight at the MCG against the Geelong Cats. If either Hard Times Molloy or Simon The BIG Man Garret are attending we’d love to hear a report. Opening weekend is always a fantastic time to be in Melbourne after the lengthy scandal-filled off-season, and combined with the GP in town, the Comments Team continues to give serious thought to relocating our base of operations.

- the Track Cycling World Championships are on at the moment, and the Kiwi team is again punching above their weight. While we at the Comments Team prefer road racing, there is still a lot of excitement to be found indoors. Good luck to the Kiwi contingent in the remainder of the Champs, and here’s hoping they can pip the heavyweights such as Australia, Great Britain and France to a gold medal or two.

  

That’s us done for today. Please get in touch in the comments section below, or alternatively email us at tobesrowe@gmail.com. We’d love to hear your opinions on the F1, football or any action you feel deserves a rant. Enjoy your weekends, we’ll be back Monday.

Comments From The Supercoach- Punted

   Welcome back. Today the Supercoach takes a look at the Quarter-Final matchups in the Cricket World Cup, and Barry Munta reviews last weekend’s Premier League action. First though to the cricket.

Punted

   So after nigh-on four weeks of Group play, the eight Quarter Finalists have emerged, and in the end, there were no upsets. Bangladesh and Ireland threatened to sneak through Group B, probably at the expense of the English, but in the end the heavyweights prevailed. So, let’s take a look at the four matches to be played this week.

Pakistan vs West Indies

   Smart money must go on Pakistan to win this one. Aside from a loss to New Zealand brought about through a freakish five overs of batting from Ross Taylor, Pakistan have looked solid. The win over Sri Lanka in their second Group match continued the momentum and confidence they picked up during their tour of New Zealand, and the comprehensive win over Australia in their final group match dispelled any notions of shakiness. In Gul they have a fine strike-bowler who takes the opportunities created by the parsimonious bowling of the likes of Rehman and Hafeez. With Afridi also taking wickets and Razzaq providing support, this is a strong line-up with the ball.

   They are similarly well-balanced when batting. Stroke makers like both the Akmals, Afridi and Hafeez are complemented by the more reserved approach of Ul-Haq and Khan. This is a strong side when they play with belief, and after beating the Windies they should be a match for India in the Semi-final.

   Not to totally discount the Windies though. If Gayle fires then anything could happen. Benn has bowled well, Roach has taken a lot of wickets, and they have further options in Russell, Rampaul and Bishoo. Bravo looks as if he will be a fine talent batting at number 3 in years to come, and Smith and Pollard can also score runs quickly. But on current form and on paper, Pakistan should win this one.

India vs Australia

   Unfortunately due to technical issues there were no Comments last week, but penciled in amongst my predictions were for the Aussies to lose against Pakistan and then whoever they played in the Quarters, crashing out in fine style. After something like 34 World Cup match victories in a row, I still believe this is the end for Australia, and after losing against India, Ricky Ponting will retire. The current side just has too many problems, especially in the slow-bowling department where they look completely toothless. If Sehwag gets on top of Tait, Lee and Johnson with the new ball coming hard onto the bat, it could be brutal.

The Indians look far from perfect, and a couple of middle and lower order collapses will be very worrying for them, as will some erratic bowling. Zaheer Khan has been consistently excellent; none of the other bowlers have. A lot will come down to whether Harbajan has a big game against his biggest rivals, as the Aussies have looked poor against the tweakers.  

Obviously, despite their issues Australia will go into this game full of their trademark confidence; I strongly suspect that they will be leaving it with none of it intact. The quality of the Australian team is just too greatly diminished, and in front of a rabid home crowd the Indians should prevail.

New Zealand vs South Africa

   Probably the easiest match of the Quarters to predict, even though one never quite knows what to expect from the Kiwis. Even if they play to their potential this is a very tough ask against a South African side that has quality in every department. The top-order of Smith, Amla, Kallis and deVilliers is simply awesome. In Steyn and Morkel they have two of the most fearsome quicks in the world today, and with Peterson, Tahir and Botha all bowling with control and at times turning the ball sharply, the Africans must be favourites to win the Cup.

   The Black Caps have continued their insipid form of the last twelve months, and will need something of a miracle to win this one. Every time they have faced bowling of any quality they have wilted badly. There is no doubting the potential of the likes of Guptil, McCullum, Ryder and Taylor to dominate an attack; it’s just that it never seems to happen at the moment. Depending on the eleven that is picked, they do bat a long way down the order, and chances are facing the well-rounded South African attack they will need contributions from just about everyone. All said, it’s very hard to see a New Zealand victory in this encounter.

Sri Lanka vs England

    Surely the Lankans in this one? The English have been up and down like the proverbial whore’s drawers so far in this tourney, so there is every chance they could cause an upset as they did against South Africa. A decent performance against the Windies will also boost their confidence. But realistically, unless Swann can pin them down, Dilshan, Jayawardene and Sangakarra should be too good for the English bowlers, and Muralitharan, Mendis and Kulasekara too good for the batsmen.

   There you have it, and in the end I reckon a Pakistan vs South Africa Final is on the cards. Let us know what you think in the comments section below. Cheers.

- The Supercoach

Frothing at the Nelsen

   Pretty exciting weekend in the Prem; here’s a review.

- the title race between Man U and Arsenal will be decided by which side copes best with the incredible injury tolls they have both sustained in defence. Man U just keep on winning, and the Arse keep on underwhelming; however, with Man U facing extra fixtures in the Champions League and FA Cup, fatigue may just swing things in the Gunners favour. Expect the title to be won through attack rather than defence from this point onwards.

- Sp*rs, despite a fine Champs League campaign, will struggle to make the top four this season. With Man City having nothing else to play for, they should be able to turn around their current lack of goals and form and pip the Londoners to fourth. It also looks like, despite their improved showings under Dogleash, Liverpool will not be taking part in European competition next season for the first time in many years. Suckers. The money they spent on Suarez looks a good investment; Andy Carroll on the other hand…

- at the bottom it is just vicious. Every time a team looks like being written off- West Ham, Wolves and now Wigan- they start picking up points and clawing their way back up. There are eight teams who all have a realistic chance of being relegated, and Fulham and Newcastle could both be drawn into this dogfight yet too. If possible I’d pick Birmingham to take all three relegation spots, but here’s hoping they take at least one. Also fingers crossed that West Ham and Blackburn stay up to ensure Kiwi representation in the league again next year. Blackburn weren’t helped over the weekend by an abysmal penalty decision going against Ryan Nelsen in their match against Blackpool: after the match even the Blackpool manager Ian Holloway called it a shocker. It was a great effort by Nelsen’s side to come from two goals down and get a point from this match, and the Hammers did equally well to get a point away at Sp*rs. It is unbelievably hard to guess who will find themselves playing in The Championship next season, but put a gun to my head and I’ll go with Wigan, Birmingham and West Brom. Ask me again this time next week and it could be three entirely different sides. Epic. Let us know who you reckon is for the drop, and how the top four will finish up. Nice.

-Barry Munta

   Cheers for that Baz. In just a quick round up of other events:

- it seems the Warriors are having a tough go of it so far this year, losing two from two. At home against defending champs the Dragons next weekend will not be any easier for them.

- good signs ahead of the World Cup with Australia’s strongest team of the past few seasons the Warratahs crapping out entirely at home to the hapless Cheetahs in the Super Rugby. Also, from the bits and pieces we saw of the Crusaders/Highlanders match, surely Kieran Read is the answer to the Number 8 question all Kiwis have been searching for since Zinzan retired?

- and Novak Djokovic proved his Australian Open title was no fluke, beating both Federer in the Semis and Nadal in the Final to win the Masters Series event at Indian Wells this morning. A great result for him and for the sport. Three genuine contenders for the number 1 spot should make for an awesome year of tennis.

   That’ll do it for today. We’ll be back later in the week with a full preview of the upcoming Formula One season which rolls off in Melbourne this weekend. Until then, take it easy.

Comments From The Supercoach- Paper+Cracks=She'll Be Right?

   Greetings all. First off today, congratulations to Greg Henderson. As mentioned last week, he is currently competing in the Paris-Nice Cycle Classic where he won the opening stage last year. This time around, he had to wait a day longer, taking out the second stage after 199 typically grueling kilometers. You can see some slightly shonky footage of his success here. What is remarkable about his victory is the distance from which he sprints from. Most winners of a sprint stage leave their final burst of speed until the final 80-100 meters; Henderson however goes from around 250 meters out, and somehow has the speed and power to hold off his pursuers until the line. Aside from being able to take a great deal of satisfaction from this win, it is also crucial for Henderson as he battles for a place in the nine-rider team for the Grand Tours this year. He missed out last year due to the strength in depth of the Team Sky squad; fingers crossed he makes it this time around. Along with Julian Dean and Hayden Roulston it would be tremendous to see three Kiwis competing in the Giro, Tour de France and the Vuelta.

   Also of two-wheeled note is Alberto Contador’s win in his first race since emerging unscathed from his somewhat bizarre doping case, details of which can be found here (see the Tour de France 2010 section). He is riding with his new squad, Team Saxo Bank-Sun Gard, and has stated that he wants to become the first rider to win all three Grand Tours in a year. It’s always nice to be ambitious, but this is a fairly preposterous goal. We will be providing extensive coverage of the Grand Tours this year, starting with the Giro d’Italia in May, so stay tuned.

   Right, onto today’s business, starting with The Supercoach’s look at the Black Caps victory over Pakistan. Featured also is Ashton (“I’d rather a Pims actually ahahaha”) Drinkwater’s look at the upcoming Indian Wells Tennis Masters Tournament.

Paper + Cracks = She’ll Be Right?

   Let me begin by saying that those final five overs of the New Zealand innings were extraordinary. Even given that the Pakistani bowling went all to pieces and that Afridi maybe made some poor decisions in his choice of bowlers at the death, you still have to put the bad balls away, and Ross Taylor in particular, did so in amazing fashion. 100 runs off 30 deliveries is quite simply stunning. We have this quote from correspondent Darren Butts which we believe probably came via Cricinfo.com:

“The Taylor-Oram partnership of 85 off 3.4 overs, by a massive margin, the fastest ODI partnership of more than 50 runs. If New Zealand had batted at that rate for their whole innings, they would have scored 1159. Most teams would struggle to chase that down.”

   Super stuff. I had been hoping for an early night, but those last overs were like a shot of adrenalin akin to Hunter Thompson’s shenanigans with adrenal glands in Las Vegas, and large amounts of red wine were needed to calm my system. However, it is now caveat time.

   Up until this boundary fiesta, things were not going so well. As has been well documented, Taylor should not even have still been batting, having been twice missed by the Pakistani wicketkeeper in hugely inept circumstances when he was still on single figures. Had either of those simple chances been taken, the Black Caps would have been in a great deal of trouble.

   Also, at around 210 with just five overs remaining, a score of at best 260 looked on the cards, which after batting first, and against a strong, if unpredictable Pakistani lineup, may well have not been sufficient. There is no way NZ will score 100 runs off 5 overs again, so the top order will need to improve. Obviously Pakistan didn’t even score 200 in their chase, but the demoralising effect on their side of Taylor’s hitting, combined with the boost it gave us in the field, must be taken into account when looking at their total. Kudos though to great opening spells of bowling from Tim Southee and Kyle Mills.

   Another issue is Brendon McCullum. Yes, the ball that got him from Shoab Ahktar was very fast and came back off the seam, but McCullum’s technique was quite awful. One of the first things you learn as a young player is to keep bat and pad together when playing a forward defensive shot. McCullum failed to do so, leaving a good ten or so centimeters between the two, and sure enough he was comprehensively bowled. It must only be for lack of options that he continues to open the batting; surely his hitting is better suited to later in the innings. James Franklin at five, a player we are tremendously fond of here at the Comments, is also of concern. Let’s hope Jesse Ryder makes a swift recovery from his case of the Dovers.

   On the plus side, Martin Guptil looked wonderful again. As a young fellow, The Supercoach was taught by legendary cricket coach and driving instructor Indiana Grandbill to always play in the V: i.e. play with a straight bat down the ground. Guptil is a great exponent of this approach, and his drives are a thing of beauty. Unfortunately at this initial stage he seems to suffer a little from Early Career Stephen Fleming-itis in his inability to convert great starts into big scores, but the potential is certainly there.

   Basically though, let us all hope that despite the fact that this victory relied a lot on luck and opposition ineptitude as much as our own skill, the Black Caps will take the confidence they have gained from the win and turn their generally poor recent run of form around. It is a shame that the next match is against Canada: I really think now would be the best time to be taking on the Sri Lankan side, but a huge win on Sunday will hopefully keep the forward momentum going.

-The Supercoach

    Wonderful stuff there from me, many thanks to myself. Lastly today, it’s over to Ashton (“I’d rather a Pims actually ahahaha”) Drinkwater for a look at the first Tennis Masters Series event of the year.

Spiffing

   What ho chaps. The Tennis Masters is upon us, beginning with the BNP Paribas Open played on the hard courts at Indian Wells in California. For those of you who are ignorant of the Masters Series format, there are nine tournaments played throughout the season, and they rank in prestige second only to the four Opens (Australian, French, Wimbledon, US). Unlike the Open tourneys, matches are played in the best of 3 sets, rather than the 5 sets one sees at the four biggies. This year sees a typically strong field with all eight of the top seeded players in the Main Draw, although there seems to be some doubt as to whether Roger Federer will play. He is listed as second seed, but seems to be absent from the draw.

   Looking at said draw, there are a few interesting scenarios. Top seed Rafael Nadal has a fairly easy run, with Jo-Wilfried Tsonga a likely quarter final opponent. The bottom half of that section is much more open, with David Ferrer, given his current strong run of form possibly the most likely semi-final opponent should Nadal make it that far. However Ferrer will be severely tested early on by the massively huge serving Croat Ivo Karlovic. Gilles Simon, if he can recapture some of his strong form of previous years, is another contender from that section who will run into Ferrer in the early stages, so all in all, it is a very tough section to pick.

   The other side of the draw is equally open. Fourth seed Robin Soderling has a relatively easy run, though standing in the way of a semi-final will be last years surprise winner Ivan Ljubicic. One is never quite sure what to expect from Ljubi, and of major concern to him will be the lurking Juan Martin Del-Potro. After winning the US Open in 2009, Del Potro was out injured for almost the entire season last year, sending his ranking plummeting into the depths of obscurity. This season though, he appears to not only be fit, but also close to returning to his best. His low current ranking has meant that he has been unseeded at every event he has contested this year, and he has consistently cut a swath through seeded players who would have been very unpleasantly surprised to find him in their section of the draw. Ljubi and Soderling will be very aware of the threat he poses, particularly on the Hard Court surface.

   The bottom section of that side of the draw is harder to pick than the proverbial broken nose: of the seeded players Tommy Robredo is probably the weakest, and Fernando Verdasco and Andy Murray the strongest, but keep an eye on Sam Querrey playing on home soil.

   So ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. At the bequest of Self-Proclaimed Tipping Guru and Office Pariah Roby Towe who is involved in yet another of his obsessive compulsive fantasy leagues, I will refrain from making any exact predictions as to a winner. But fear not, for I will provide you with regular updates as the tournament progresses. Until then, fare thee well.

- Ashton (“I’d rather a Pims actually ahahaha”) Drinkwater

   Thanks Ashton, you upper-class git.

   That’s it for the Comments today, and there may be a slight delay in the next edition as Comments HQ is undergoing a change in location early next week. Hopefully we’ll be back by Tuesday. Kind thanks as always for your time, and please pass on the blog link to anyone you know who has a passion for sporting drivel. Enjoy your weekends.

  

Comments From The Supercoach- Tanananana

    Welcome back folks. Today we bring to you some observations from New Zealand and Australian Affairs Reporter Wallace B. Jack on the early goings on in Super Rugby, with particular focus on the Chiefs. Star Reporter Barry Munta takes a look at Liverpool’s hammering of Man U last night, and the Supercoach opines on the Cricket World Cup format. But first, here’s Wallace.

Some Super, some not

   Yeah, g’day. I was in Hamiltron on Friday night to see the Chiefs take on the new Melbourne franchise, the Rebels. A couple of things from the game stood out to me and the 38 other people at the ground:

-Tana still has it. His defence was bloody magnificent at times; I can recall at least two occasions where he put in a huge hit that resulted in a turnover. And while his pace may be down, he shows that nous that is a trademark of a truly great player by adapting his game to the constraints of his older body. Rather than try to step and fend his way through opposition tacklers as he did in his heyday, he now concentrates more on simple hit-ups and distribution. Certainly Masaga scored two brilliant tries that required a lot of individual marvelousness, but the sharper eyed among ya out there will have noted that well timed passes from Tana set him away on both occasions. The Hurricanes, having played just once so far this season, better be wary when Tana returns to the Stadium this weekend.

- regarding Stephen Donald: using the phrase ‘tactical kicking’ is like the pairing of the words ‘army’ and ‘intelligence’, or ‘smart’ and ‘phone’. If something happens to Dan Carter during the World Cup, his aimless punting could easily cost the All Blacks dearly. Anyone remember Hong Kong last year?

- congrats to the Highlanders; rolling the Bulls in Saffaland is an epic achievement. I hope that they enjoy this season before the traditional off-season pillaging of their squad by the Crusaders, which seems to be completely sanctioned by the NZRU.

- and on the subject of Benji Marshall, we at the Comments team firmly stand behind him. For funks sake, he had just come from a black-tie event that had raised around $250,000 for his child cancer charity, was repeatedly racially abused, and then the low-life who did it ran to the press. Scum. Should he have punched him? No. Well, maybe not. Well… Anyway, if Benji gets prosecuted, I hope the See You Next Tuesday who taunted him also gets done for some kind of racial vilification. Fair’s fair.

-Wallace B. Jack

   Thanks for that Wall, and yes, he does speak for The Supercoach, and the rest of the Comments team as regards Benji.

   Next, Star Reporter Barry Munta tunneled into Anfield Stadium last night and had this to say about the Liverpool-Man U clash.

Hat-trick: whatever

   Thanks goodness for cellular technology, as I am submitting this report from one of the local scouser lock-ups where I have been unfairly incarcerated for ‘repeated and abusive taunting of a Knight of the Realm’. That’s lawyer-speak for standing behind Alex Ferguson for 90 minutes and questioning certain aspects of his heritage in the hopes that his nose would turn so purple he would do a Violet Beauregarde and actually turn into a giant blueberry. In between times I took in the action on the pitch, which was pretty dang entertaining too. It’s not gonna be often that a player scores a hat-trick and doesn’t deserve Man of the Match, but that was definitely the case yesterday, with Luis Suarez stealing the show from goal scorer Durk Kuyt.

Suarez, a massively expensive signing from Ajax where he was both a goal scoring machine and shoulder gnawing psychopath, is best known for his antics at the World Cup last year playing for Uruguay. In the dying seconds of extra-time in the Quarter Final against Ghana- the last African team remaining in the first African World Cup- he used his hand to stop a goal bound shot that would have sent Ghana through to the Semis. He was caught, sent off, and Ghana had a penalty to win the match with the last kick of the game. However, Gyan bottled it, the Ghanaians crumbled in the Penalty Shootout that immediately followed, and Suarez became a villain, despite receiving the appropriate punishment.

All that aside, he showed where his real genius lies yesterday, jinking and dinking his way around the Man U defence who were made to look like the muppets that they are. He beat four players in the space of five congested meters to set up the first, supplied the cross that Nani- arguably the most despised player in England now that his compatriot Ronaldo has gone- headered hilariously and inexplicably back across the box for Kuyt to score, and generally made a total nuisance of himself. Fantastic.

The game got a bit tasty at times, and both Carragher and de Silva should have been sent off before half time. Nonetheless, Liverpool prevailed, their resurgence under Dogleash seems to be genuine, and most importantly, they blew the title race back open again. By which I mean that if Arsenal stop playing so poorly at home, they may still claw Man U back.

All in all it was a great day out, and a night in the nick is a small price to pay, especially given that I had no money for a hotel and didn’t fancy roaming the streets of scouse-ridden Liverpool for the night. Great result all round.

-Barry Munta

   Thanks Barry, although it should be stated that the Supercoach provides ample funds for its reporters to find accommodation. If our reporters choose to spend said stipend on a cocktail known as a Defribulator, consisting of vodka, cheap champagne and powdered wasabi leaves, so be it.

   Lastly today, a few words from the Supercoach himself on the Cricket World Cup.

Minnots

   Another few days, another few hundred runs. The Black Caps dispatched the Zimbos admirably; the Windies completely humiliated host nation Bangladesh; a potentially thrilling game between Sri Lanka and Australia was sadly rained out; the crappy English squad somehow beat the Saffas; and Ireland again showed they are not to be sniffed at. It is actually turning out to be a very interesting Tournament, particularly in regards to Group B which has six teams with a genuine shot at the four Quarter Final places. Friday will be huge, with Ireland playing the Windies and England taking on Bangladesh. Surely must win games for all concerned.

   Sadly, it seems that the so called ‘minnows’- ie Ireland, Canada, Netherlands, Kenya and Zimbabwe- may not have a place at the next W.C. The International Cricket Council (ICC) seems to think that 14 teams makes for an over-long unwieldy tournament, and to a certain extent they are correct. However, for international cricket to have some sort of legitimacy, let alone hope of creating greater global appeal, inclusion of these weaker nations is crucial. The current tournament is six weeks long, and certainly that is too much. It is not hard to understand the inconsistency of the English team given that they have been on tour since they traveled to Australia for the Ashes in November.

But rather than cutting down on the number of nations, how about this: compress the schedule. Teams don’t need big breaks between matches; look at other World Cups. And if players and management complain about player fatigue, simply increase the allocated squad sizes. Top teams can play weaker players against the minnows and rest their stars for the bigger matches. Sure, it would be a real test of the depth of quality of every nation involved, but surely that is what a World Cup is about anyway? And surely it can’t be called a World Cup if only ten nations are going to be involved. In the end, largely thanks to Ireland and a much improved Zimbabwe, along with the fact that the ICC undoubtedly recognises that more games means more advertising revenue, the minnows should be back for 2015. Here’s hoping anyway.

-The Supercoach

    Well sports fans, that’s it for today. We’ll be back later in the week with a look at the Champions League, a preview of the Indian Wells Masters Tennis Tournament, and a review of the Black Caps taking on Pakistan. Hopefully the Comments section is working; please let us know via email if you are still having issues.

   Cheers.